Often times I wonder what my kids are thinking? And I wonder if they know what I’m thinking…
Especially, little OIlie, when I’m looking at him, I wonder what he’s thinking about when he looks at me? What is he thinking when I put him in the swing or lay him down in his bed or when I’m speaking to him? He doesn’t even know how I’m so amazed that there are no words to describe how I feel about him. Like this overwhelming feeling of joy at every coo he makes or when he smiles.
Walle, my three year old…I wonder what he thinks when he’s taking apart those toys and building things with blocks or pretending to fix broken items or when he listens to music, sings along with them and dances to them? Does he know that he drives me crazy?!?! He makes me laugh when he says funny things like “what age you are” or “actually, I do like flamin hot Cheetos” or “do you remember when….” or the constant whining “why dinner is taking such a long time?” What is he thinking of when I tell him to slow down on the scooter, to please not sit on the high stools at the kitchen counter, or to not stand on his seat at the kitchen table? Yup, he has a way of driving me crazy both ways…but there’s that little thing he does that tickles my insides when he randomly just comes up and says “Mama, I love you” followed with a kiss on the cheek.
Chloe…my super tall five year old. What does she think of all the stories we read each night? Well Shay does most of the reading and we all sit to listen(no, I catch up on my ZZZZZZzzzzz’s sometimes). I wonder where her mind takes her as she sits there and listens intently to the voice of her papa. Does she really know how excited I am of her love for reading? Does she know that sometimes I just stare at her because it’s crazy that she’s grown up so fast. I think of the first time I held her and how excited I was to meet her and hold her… how blessed I felt that very moment when they laid her on top of my chest and she just stared back at me.
I wish that I could get into my kids heads to really understand them, maybe I’d be a better parent if I knew what they were thinking. Would it help them in every day things if they knew what I was thinking? If they some how got into my head and saw for themselves. There’s always that question they ask “Why?” I’ve given them the reasons—but they seem to forget the reasons were already given—it’s a cycle we go through. Do they think that I’m just here to ruin their fun or maybe I’m just being overly cautious? In the end…I guess we will figure this out—this family of ours…and how things run. This kind of relationship reminds me of my relationship with our Lord. I do the things that He’s warned me about so many times, and yet I still ask “WHY”—even though He has told me the reason over and over again. I don’t know if I drive the Lord crazy…but still He has done for me all He had to do for me because He loves me…unconditionally on His part. It’s what He needed to do to help me. And His love is perfect, not like mine. The love I feel for my kids, cannot even begin to compare with the way the Lord loves me—the way He loves us. I really want to understand my children better…to respond to them in a better way…To remember that they can’t read my mind.
